Parent & Family

Information

Providing Compassionate & Affordable Therapeutic Services

Clinic Hours

Thursdays: 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. | All other days: 8 a.m. to 10 p.m.

Office Hours

Monday – Thursday 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. | Fridays 9 a.m. – 3 p.m.

The transition to Friends University can be exhilarating, full of challenges and changes. However, some students experience distress and difficulty adjusting to college life, which may result in greater emotional or psychological needs.

The Center on Family Living (CFL) has resources to help. Our on-campus training facility is staffed by graduate students enrolled in the Master of Science in Family Therapy program. They provide couples, family, individual, and group therapy services.

Becoming a Student

Student Transitions

As students transition to living and learning at Friends University, parents/families may want to discuss homesickness, balancing independence with responsibility, financial concerns, culture shock, roommate issues, time management and values. The following information is intended as general guidance.

• HomesicknessHomesickness is common the first semester of college. Students may alternate between periods of increased contact with family followed by periods of decreased contact. Homesickness typically resolves within the first semester but may take longer for some. Establishing connections, including friendships, involvement in organizations and participation in campus activities, can help. [Add appropriate link] and [Add appropriate link] help students connect with other students. Students may also benefit from establishing a point of contact for help (e.g. community mentor, advisor, professor) with problem-solving and adjustment.
• Academic FunctioningInfluences on academic functioning include time management, stress management, commitment to a degree program and student habits. Some students wait until late in the semester to react or become aware of academic difficulties. We encourage students to seek assistance early so productive study routines ca be established. For help with academics, students can consult professors, instructors, advisors, and tutoring. Visit the Academic Resource Center for more information.
• IndependenceYour college student has newfound independence. With independence comes responsibility for decision-making and problem-solving, which can include decisions about lifestyle, attending class and social opportunities. As students adjust, they might make some learning mistakes. Part of parenting a college student involves letting go and trusting you taught them well while, at the same time, bracing for mistakes and being available for support.
• Financial ConcernsCredit card companies sometimes target college students due to their lack of credit history, higher income potential and limited financial resources. Students benefit from learning about budgeting and finances before problems develop. Be honest and specific about who will pay for what and how much you will financially support your student. Gambling, especially online gambling, is a growing concern among college students.
• Culture ShockAt Friends University, students are exposed to people with different backgrounds and perspectives. Differences may include small town vs. large city, ethnicity, sexual orientation, language, religion, country of origin, political ideology, and many other types of diversity. We encourage families to discuss diversity and openness to new experiences. The Inclusion and International Student department offers programs and services focused on creating an inclusive atmosphere at Friends University.
• Roommate IssueHaving a roommate and suitemates is an adjustment even if your student is living with a familiar friend. Differences in daily routines, cleanliness and sleep schedules are examples of issues that can lead to conflict between roommates unless adequate communication occurs. [Add Suite Therapy link or info here]. We encourage roommates to talk openly and honestly about their living situation and attempt to resolve problems before they seek different living arrangements. Housing and Residence Life staff can assist with communication and problem solving in times of conflict.
• Time ManagementDifferences between a high school (e.g. structured) and college schedule (e.g. more unstructured) is an adjustment for many students. While an increase in discretionary time can be enjoyed by students, self-discipline is needed to meet academic expectations. Study experts suggest that students study two hours outside class for every hour spent in class. For a three-hour course, that means six hours of studying outside of class each week. Simple strategies for managing time like maintaining a schedule, making task lists, and studying at the library between classes can help.
• Values ClarificationWe encourage you to discuss values with your student prior to college. Core values may already be established. Part of becoming an adult involves assessing new values and experiences to determine if and how to incorporate them into existing values.

Resources for Parents & Family

Parent/Family Transitions

As a parent, you may face your own mixed feelings, crisis calls, visits from your student, changes in your identity and managing reactions of family members.

• Mixed FeelingsIt is common for parents to feel a variety of emotions about a child leaving for college. At times, a particular feeling may dominate, or several feelings may occur at the same time, which adds to a sense of being overwhelmed. Sadness is a typical feeling about the change in your relationship and spending less time with your child. Some parents report a void or sense something is missing. Siblings may feel left out of the student’s life simply with decreased contact. Parents may feel excited and joyful about increased independence for themselves. It is okay to feel positive emotions. Transitions can be scary as families adjust. Know these feelings are normal and find some healthy ways of expressing them.
• Crisis CallsSometimes, college students let stress and pressures build to an uncomfortable level and then call on parents/families for support. At these times, a supportive and listening style of communication can help. Sometimes, a problem-solving approach is more helpful. Many crisis calls leave the student feeling better while a parent may be too upset to sleep. Of course, real emergencies require immediate action such as contacting police, calling 911 or going to the nearest emergency room.
• Home VisitsVisits home by your student can be exciting, especially the first one. However, parents can be disappointed when your college student comes home on Friday, drops off laundry and goes out with friends for a good part of the weekend. Plan ahead and let your child know how and when you expect to spend time with them. Remember, they are adjusting to living apart from friends and family. If you plan to change their room to something like a sewing room or sibling room, inform them beforehand so there’s no surprises during their first visit home. Another issue to consider is whether old rules will be enforced during visits home. Will your student have a curfew? Will they be expected to wake at a certain time? Discuss these issues before the first visit home and remember your student has been without these rules while at college.
• Changing IdentitiesParents may consider adjusting their identities as they launch a child off to college, especially if it’s the last child to leave home. Some parents appreciate more time to develop interests or hobbies while others pursue more activities outside the home. Developing other aspects of identity can help you cope with the loss associated with your student leaving for college. The relationship between parent and child may change; anticipate a shift in power dynamics.
• Sibling ReactionsFor families with younger children at home, watch for changes. For example, a younger sibling might seek more independence or responsibility as the elder child at home. Household chores might need to be re-assigned. Younger siblings may have mixed feelings about their older sibling going off to college, which can include excitement, relief, and sadness. We recommend talking as a family to normalize and validate these feelings and plan for adjustments in family dynamics.
• Self-CareIt is important for parents to take care of themselves during these transitions. A focus on physical needs including adequate sleep, consistent exercise, healthy eating, and avoidance of unhealthy substances can go a long way towards managing stress and emotions. Talking about feelings with supportive others also helps.
• Offering Support1) Watch for signs of distress. 2) Maintain contact. 3) Discuss values, finances and safety. 4) Provide any documentation to [Add appropriate office if exists] so academic accommodations can be requested before problems develop. 5) Plan for home visits. 6) Expect ups and downs including some learning mistakes. 7) Be patient with yourself and your student; transitions take time. 8) Be available as safety support (e.g., crisis calls) while respecting your student’s independence.
• Referral and ConfidentialityWhen referring a student to therapy, discuss your observations in specific terms (e.g. “I’ve noticed you’ve been very sad since your relationship ended”), express concerns, explain CFL resources (e.g. therapy services); allow the student to make their own decision and then follow-up. CFL Staff are unable to share information about students who use therapy services including attendance, appointment and treatment information. Students may give permission to allow disclosures of information. Parental consent is sought when a minor student seeks services.
• EmergenciesIn the event of an emergency, please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. ComCare Community Crisis Center provides a local, 24-hour crisis hotline at (316) 660-7500 that provides telephone intervention, in-person services, and a mobile unit.